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Welcome back! I hope you all had a meaningful and enjoyable summer. If instead you faced struggles, hope this will be a time for you to rest in God, reconnect with community, and regain strength. Please know you are not walking this path alone; I am here to listen and pray with you.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus commands us to forgive. This was already revealed in all he did throughout his ministry: Jesus’ presence and actions showed that God is willing—and eager—to restore relationship with his people. The Good News Jesus brought is more than a second chance in which we must try again on our own; it is an enlightenment in which we come to know that God is with us and walks with us. Jesus reached out to the marginalized, touched broken hearts, and shared meals with sinners. That was God’s way of showing His love for us. As much as God loved the world, he wanted us to be renewed and restored into a genuine, intimate relationship with God. 

Of course, there are passages that remind us of God’s judgement. This aligns with people’s understanding from the Old Testament. But alongside Jesus’ coherent mission, the message is not about measuring our good deeds or our wrongdoings. Rather, judgement is more related to whether we truly accept Jesus’ invitation, receive God’s forgiveness, respond with gratitude, and extend that grace to others in our forgiving and sharing.

In that regard, as we gather to begin the new program year, it is worth checking where we are in terms of our relationship with God—and with one another.

Wherever there is relationship, there is a power dynamic. Some relationships are casual and superficial; others are formal, bound by contracts and predetermined expectations. But in the real, meaningful relationships we cherish, the living relationships that grow and deepen in our hearts over time, there is always a power that feeds the relationship.

Depending on how that power feeds the relationship, there can be three different kinds.

First, we are familiar with the concept of the enabler, often found in dysfunctional families or groups. When someone in a family or community acts out with problematic behavior, it affects the whole body. Often, the remaining members take on more responsibilities so the system can function. Of course this does not include situations where the problem is unintentional or unchangeable—such as illness or an unavoidable hardship. I am speaking of situations that involve a choice where better alternatives exist.

At first, we may ask the person to change. If nothing changes and we remain in the same system, we inevitably adapt to the dysfunction. In doing so, we enable the person to remain unchanged.

In this kind of relationship, we feel powerless and helpless; eventually we become part of the problem while we are consumed and frustrated. This is common in families of addicts, and even in societies where the wrong person is in charge. We may think, “I am a good person helping someone in trouble, or I’ll be just nice” but in reality there is no growth on either side—only a sustained problem.

Second, sometimes we are not the powerless ones; rather we may exploit our power in relationships. This happens when we fail to see a person as a person. Before we truly know someone, we bring our own judgments and expectations. How often do we quickly apply our beliefs to someone we do not fully know? It can be gender-related, tied to social status, or wrapped in what we call common sense. We measure people by our thoughts:

“They should be like this; they ought to respond like that if they are serious.”

Other times we are caught up in a drive for accomplishment. From a position of power, in the mindset of pursuing good results, we push others to be more productive. We treat them like equipment, using only mechanical measures for evaluation. As we value something other than the actual person—especially when we hold more power, we can easily make others feel misunderstood, disabled, discouraged, or belittled. In this kind of relationship, we make others feel powerless and hopeless. There is no room for growing together.

What, then, is a healthy, spiritually whole relationship?

We learn from the examples of Jesus. As Jesus encountered people who were broken and silenced, he neither enabled them nor disabled them. Rather, he encouraged and empowered them: by showing compassion for what they had been through, by reminding them of who they are to God, and by assuring hope for what they can become.

Jesus did not just deliver words or offer a favor. He entered into relationship with his whole heart, with vulnerability and faith in God and in them. He stood right next to them, helping them see the past, present, and future—not in the old way, but in a new way. Furthermore, beyond opening their eyes, Jesus promised to walk with them and guide their path. In this way, Jesus truly opened a way for them to be restored into wholeness as a person, and also, to be restored in relationship with God and with one another.

I believe this is the true meaning of forgiveness: using the power we are granted to empower others, without losing healthy boundaries and without overpowering others. 

We all know it is difficult to find the balance between enabling and disabling. And there may be no simple formula. Yet what is rooted in the art of forgiveness is quite simple:

knowing that everyone is created by God out of love,

maintaining good intention for the person,

and discerning what they may need to become better.

And it may often not be what we initially thought would be best for the person.

When we see forgiveness as a way to encourage and empower others, forgiveness does not make our lives crippled, unfair, or passive. And we can do this only as long as we ourselves are accepted, guided, and accompanied by Jesus. It is a way of living out who we are as children of God.

Now we are about to begin a new program year at our parish. As I sat in prayer, many things came to mind. Perhaps more active programs, growth in numbers—but in the end, I came back to the faces of our parish community. I infused my prayers with wishes for you to be whole, to grow in relationships in your households, in our parish community, and in the wider circle of communities.

As we are gathered here together, let us pray.

Holy Spirit, gather us back and gather us in. Bless our homes, our ministries, and our friendships. Make our parish a place where every person is seen, valued, and empowered to grow in Christ. Amen.

 

Fr. James